Do Men Scream?
by Emerson Grace
Summary: A Girl's Night out gets Olivia to thinking about Elliot. My first story so be kind. M rated just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Do Men Scream?

Friday, the end of a week with the boys meant Girls Night. Olivia spent five to six days in pants and blazers and her days off were spent in sweats and tees. Girls Night allowed her to dust off the silks, satins, and lace. Olivia got to be girly. Here, her fresh manicure was noticed. The girls had there usual table in the back, away from the crowd, with the drinks that were indicative of their personality. Alex had a dirty martini, Casey had a peach daiquiri, Melinda had a red wine from Spain, while Olivia nursed a whiskey neat. As the alcohol flowed as did the conversation and time loosened tongues, until Casey introduced the topic of the evening.

"He said and I quote 'Casey sex is good with us'..." Casey paused, waiting, Melinda and Olivia groaned, Alex tried to offer assurance "Uh Casey, it doesn't mean…" Casey stopped her "His last girlfriend was, is a sex therapist. She knows tricks, she knows him. Blame my competitive nature but I want sex to be better with me." Casey ended in a huff, slinging back ninety percent of the sweet concoction. Melinda chuckled "You're lucky that is not frozen I'd be treating you for a migraine. It is better with you; Troy is in love with you and not his ex-girlfriend. Sex is always better with someone you love."

"Yeah, yeah, I know and Troy is not a person to be overly descriptive with his feelings. So I was hoping for some other confirmations" Casey raised her eyebrows bobbing her head, her hopefully expression almost made Olivia laugh. Melinda was the first to respond again "What?"

Casey rolled her eyes, not believing these ladies couldn't catch the hint. "You know vocal confirmation during sex. So do men scream during sex?" Casey's face fell from excited to worried "Are they even capable of screaming at orgasm?"

Melinda lent her expertise, saying physiologically there was nothing that prevented a man from screaming. Socially however, men are brought up to be ha man, always in control or command; the manly thing is not to scream. Alex was sure that a man would overcome his manly imperative, if you tortured and teased him enough. Now it was Olivia's turn to chime in. Three sets of eyes watched while she polished off her drink. Olivia hesitated, _How do I answer I can't even attest to whether or not sex was better when you were in love?_ She'd had some great sex in her lifetime and couldn't imagine how the elusive condition called love could make it any better. She gave a logical answer "Yes it can be done but Casey you will have to do a little work." At her confused look, Olivia explained "Everyone has something that drives them crazy, right?" Scanning the table she waited until they all nodded, Alex even blushed. "You know Troy; you know what drives him crazy. Work that button in every possible way, you may have to do some research and get over some embarrassment. But that is what it is going to take."

Olivia leaned back as the conversation changed to whether or not Casey had the guts to do whatever it would take and just how far was too far. Olivia was not focused on the topic, her mind raced with what a certain blue-eyed detective's button was and what it would take to make him scream.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you all for your reviews and alerts. Sorry the next chapter took so long. I wrote this chapter several times, in several different ways and I'm still not sure about it. Let me know what you think. Remember if you have a criticism, make it constructive criticism.

**Disclaimer: The characters of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit belongs to Dick Wolf. I am just borrowing his fabulous people and writing for fun and entertainment. I own nothing.**

Chapter 2: A Plan of Action

Olivia had hoped that the combination of alcohol and tense work week would translate into a coma-like sleep. As soon as she closed here eyes, Olivia knew that sleep was not going to happen. Her mind swirled with the possibilities of Casey's question.

'_Do men scream?'... 'Does Elliot scream?'... 'What does it take to make him scream?'... 'How to find out'... 'Ask Kathy'._

She burst out laughing in the quiet dark; imagining that conversation.

"Hello Kathy, did I wake you? Sorry to call so late but, um, I was wondering has Elliot ever screamed out during sex and exactly what did you do to get that reaction?"

Yeah that would go over well. Though a lot had happened between her and Kathy, namely Eli's birth, she was sure Kathy blamed their partnership, specifically her, for the divorce. They'd been cordial in the past, now even the briefest of phone conversation was tense. Before theirs was a reluctant alliance, now Elliot was a sore subject.

Who else would know? The obvious answer was Elliot; however in nine years of partnership, she couldn't think of one time, even in a drunken state that they discussed their sexual preferences. The closest conversation she could remember was about sexual orientation. The curious case Babs Duffy dredged up two taboo subjects; one was the apparent sexual tension between she and Elliot and two was did Olivia's lack of boyfriend and ability at a male orientated profession mean she was a lesbian?

The first subject was too taboo. Olivia hadn't been able to even get the full conversation relayed to Elliot. She had gotten enough out for him to assume that Babs had hit on her; which was only part of her problem with Babs. The second subject was never fully answered, they'd gotten distracted. Although Elliot had commented later he wasn't quite sure she'd been acting during her lesbian performance during interrogation. Olivia was sure it was a joke, but now that she thought about she wondered, perhaps she needed to ask him about that too.

'_Why hadn't they ever discussed sex? They were best friends, they told each other everything; well almost everything apparently. Because it might lead to the truth, a truth that neither of them were ready to admit; that in fact they were in….'_

No, she knew if she went there sleep would be even more elusive than it was now. She did however want to know what would make him scream.

_'Come on, I am a detective,' Olivia sighed heavily 'How can I get the information from him without him knowing exactly what I'm asking or why I want to know?'._

The dark surrounded her swallowing her up in its silence. Millions of people with far more significant problems were asleep and here she was allowing one stupid question keep her awake. Then it hit her, smiling she sunk deeper into her pillow drawing the covers up under her chin, Olivia chuckled.

_'That's it. I can get him drunk. He will tell me anything drunk and as long as I stay sober I can keep the conversation from delving into that dark abyss where our true feelings lie.'_

It was a good plan, even better she wouldn't have to set him up. Saturday Elliot was throwing an apartment warming party. It was just suppose to be the unit and the usual suspects. Captain Cragen would probably stop by and leave early after he left, the booze would be brought out. Olivia had helped find the apartment, decorate, and plan the party. She was staying over at Elliot's place Friday night, so sticking around Saturday night to help clean up was not far fetched. After everyone left she would continue the flow of alcohol and start the interrogation. Sunday, if Elliot questioned any of it, she would simply play it off as a drunken stupor. Olivia was extremely good at deflecting and pretending that nothing was wrong.

She could even start the ball rolling during the week. If she brought the subject up subtlety, about preferences during sex, with anyone in the bullpen at the time, it would make him think about his own preferences; making it easier to get him to talk in a suggestive state. Elliot would never answer in a group at work but, later, just them relaxing in his living room he would spill it, maybe in relief, getting his thoughts of his chest after the ribbing he was bound to take when he blushed and refused to answer to the masses.

Olivia had a plan, her mind eased and the tension in her body left.

She had a plan and with a plan came a course of action. She was always good with a course of action.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you all for your reviews and alerts. I tried to keep your suggestions in mind. If the chapters are short it's because I can't determine how long it is going to be while I am typing. I may have figured it out; read and see. Remember if you have a criticism, make it constructive criticism.

**Disclaimer: The characters of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit belongs to Dick Wolf. I am just borrowing his fabulous people and writing for fun and entertainment. I own nothing.**

Chapter 3: Want to Hear a Secret?

Monday came too soon or maybe not soon enough.

Olivia spent the rest of the weekend trying to figure out how to execute the plan. By Monday morning she was a nervous wreck. Her sleep was shallow and that morning she jumped out of bed in nervous excitement. She would have to burn off that energy if she wanted to get through her day alive. Packing a knapsack, she went on a run through the park and then onto the precinct. She could shower at work.

Running often cleared her head; by the time she reached the precinct, Olivia was pretty clear that Elliot would have to be primed before she could get the answer to the question "Do men scream?" She also stumbled across the why of "why they'd never had that conversation?"

***Earlier During Her Run***

The rhythm of her feet on the pavement in sync with her breathing lulled her brain, clearing it of fear and constraints. She could see and not be afraid to acknowledge it.

_'That conversation was too intimate; so intimate that it is a physical act. And we do not do physical connections of any kind. I know things about Elliot that Kathy will never know and Elliot knows things about me that I won't even admit to myself.' _

Rounding through the park on the second half of her run, Olivia's pace increased, she didn't register the smell, sights, sounds of the park around her, nor the air temperature. She existed in a tube the only true sounds were her breathing and her heartbeat; she could feel the heat rising off of her; the sweat cooling on her skin; and her thoughts blooming one into another. She smiled at the next thought.

_'We can talk without speaking; a whole conversation flows between brown and blue eyes. If we ever did really touch each other, well…'_

Olivia immediately saw flash of Elliot in his boxer shorts, sweaty, muscles twitching from the skim of her nails; she could almost taste the salt on his skin. She tongue swiped over her lower lip as the images caused trip. Shaking her head, Olivia recovered her rhythm. Deep breathing slowed the sudden spike in her heart beat.

_'Okay so the unwritten rule is no physical contact which includes conversations of a sexual nature. He isn't prone to talking sexual with me, soooo, I will have to prime him. I will have to broach the subject with friends, in his presence. That way Saturday I can open the subject with "El, you never gave your answer of what makes you scream?" Fin and Munch would be the easiest to start the conversation with. Once I have the conversation with them, they will bring it up over and over during the week. By Saturday it would be swimming around in the back of his mind along with the answer to the question. What liquor would be the best, beer…vodka…perhaps rum?' _

The smirk formed slowly across her face,

_'Tequila'_

It had been a while since she and Elliot had done shots of tequila. The last time was to celebrate Eli's birth after leaving the hospital.

_'I'll pick up two expensive bottles, (with the worm), present one for the house and one to celebrate his new life; hopefully a life full of screaming – 'Perhaps the name Olivia'_

Even with having to shower and change, Olivia was at the precinct forty-five minutes before the start of her shift; which meant twenty minutes before the arrival of Munch and Fin and thirty minutes for Elliot. She shifted, roaming the room, contemplating where and when to start the conversation. She must have run the scenario through her head fifty times. She even went into the cribs, thinking perhaps that was a more appropriate place for a sexy conversation. So intent was she on the possibilities she failed to hear Fin come into the cribs.

"Olivia, I've been looking for you. Morales made coffee from beans his mom brought back from Jamaica, the good stuff. You'd better come on before it is all gone and you are stuck with Munch's sludge" Fin waited for a response, but all he got was a wide eyed stare.

_'I should say something. Wake up Olivia here is an opening'_

But nothing came out. Fin was getting concerned he stepped forward and Olivia found her voice.

"Yeah I don't want Munch's sludge; I paid some one to fix the leak under my sink, so I don't need the caulk."

_'Huh, not what I wanted to say'_

Fin laughed headed back down to the bull pen.

Munch and Fin were at the coffee pot, shooing the rest of the crowd back to their desks.

"Hey Benson saved you a cup, Elliot is not the only one who has your backside, I mean back" Fin waggled his eyebrows.

Olivia absently held her hand out for the cup. Fin watched her a little more closely. Fin's gaze shifted from her to Munch, who was peering over his sun glasses watching her as well.

Turning back to Olivia, Fin asked "Liv, are you alright? You've been a little squirrelly this morning. Let me guess, one of the girls last Friday, posed a question; which caused you to rethink your entire existence; like they use to do in high school"

Munch sniggled from behind him. "What was it, the best medication for that time of the month? Whose baby would be prettier you and Brad Pitt or you and David Boreanaz? or Who is the best looking detective?"

"And you picked John Munch, because nobody else did. That would give me the willies" Fin through a side glance at his aging partner.

Melinda came in from the elevators, but it was the person who came in with her that kept Olivia from answering Fin. Elliot was just behind her.

"No fellows, the mind blowing question was 'Do Men Scream?' during sex, you know. It kept me occupied all weekend; being that she is single Olivia is free to explore those possibilities." Melinda waggled her coffee cup at Fin to pour.

_'And there it is, the opening, thank god, courtesy of Melinda'_

She owed Melinda one, seeing as her brain had ceased to function.

_'Now missy, how are you ever going to be able to get the answer from Elliot if you can't even get the conversation started with the guys?'_

Kicking her self, she joined the conversation; "I was just playing out in my mind how different people would answer that question. Your right my brain has seized in terror. At the risk of having a heart attack, how would you guys answer that question?"

As she expected Elliot remained mute. Grabbing a cup of coffee; he hauled ass to his desk. Sitting down seemingly engrossed in the action of turning on computer and starting his day, Olivia knew he was listening to them.

Melinda stoked the fire as well "Yes, do tell, it can't be anymore horrific than anything we might imagine."

The conversation was lively, contentious, and disturbing at times. Others joined the debate; the males in the group would shift the dialogue back to Olivia, trying to get her answer. She was acutely aware of Elliot's interest in the conversation. She knew him better than anyone and could tell he split his attention between his reports and what was said by the coffee station. Each time the conversation swung back around to Olivia, he stiffened leaning his head towards them as to catch even the slightest whisper of an answer. Olivia was not going to give away the ending quite this early. She had plans for Elliot Stabler.

_'Oh, you will get my answer, my friend, with a little show and tell'_

Olivia would only say that it was specific and the knowledge was privileged only to the lucky man. When the masses got insistent, she simply smirked over her cup and moseyed to her desk.

She could feel Elliot's eyes on her and turned quickly to catch him. His eyes were dark navy and laser focused. The shiver, ache, and heartbeat spike she experienced during her run returned, slamming through her system. Elliot broke the connection between their eyes first. Olivia had let her desire for him slip into her eyes. Taken aback Elliot blushed, again bringing his attention back to his computer screen. He shifted a couple of times, before adjusting his pants and settling into his chair. This was very interesting.

As predicted, Fin and Munch kept the conversation up until by Friday the entire precinct was abuzz with the conversation. Casey had been a little offended that she hadn't been the one to introduce the question to the precinct since was originally her idea. Some of the conversations were intense and detailed; which made them loud. Captain Cragen had walked into one to many embarrassing conversation too many, he issued an edict if one more conversation was conducted in the common public areas; he would charge the offenders with indecent exposure. This moved the conversations to the bathrooms, crib, and the station's gym. Olivia was sure that Elliot had over heard a few; many times he would flee one of the private areas blushing profusely.

She'd even heard Elliot mutter "Casey and her questions"

Olivia had slipped out of the precinct early on Friday, having promised Elliot to be at his place by 8:30 pm. She needed to pack a bag and go by the liquor store. Per usual Friday meant the liquor store was crowded. Olivia resorted to Elliot's standard of flashing his badge to cut through the crowd. Her guns loaded with the best tequila her money could buy, she grabbed a cab. Giving the cabbie, Elliot's address, she settled back into the seat. Olivia smiled softly,

_'…one of the girls last night posed a question; which caused you to rethink your entire existence…Fin doesn't know how right he was'_

It was amazing what one question could set into motion.

**A/N: Next up the party and getting Detective Sexy Pants tipsy. Guys, I am going to ask you for a little help. I have an idea of what might make Elliot scream, however I would like to know what you think might get the job done for Elliot. Be aware that I just might use your suggestion.**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry, sorry, and sorry for this taking so long to up date. I had a hard time trying to come up with the next chapter. I don't know if I got it right, but I felt I needed to post something. Since what will make Elliot scream is yet to come, there is still time to let me know just what you think will make him scream. I was also thrown off by the death of Infinitely Blue.

**Disclaimer: The characters of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit belongs to Dick Wolf. I am just borrowing his fabulous people and writing for fun and entertainment. I own nothing.**

Chapter 4: I Thought I Knew You

Olivia shifted the packages once more, freeing one hand to knock on Elliot's door. She heard the muffled "One moment, coming".

_'Yeah I need a moment too.'_

She inhaled deeply

_'Here we go.'_

Olivia had just managed to quell the nervous butterflies in her stomach, when the door flew open. His eyes focused, the tight line of his mouth softened before blossoming into a bright smile.

"Olivia, it's you, you are here"

He looked almost relieved. Elliot tried to hide it; giving a serpentine look up and down the hall as he ushered her inside the apartment.

"Let me help you with those…what have we got here?" Elliot reached for the group of packages she was barely hanging on to now.

"Thank you but no thanks. This is a carefully engineered construct; remove one thing and the whole house of cards will fall. You will find out soon enough what is here"

She unburdened herself, placing most of her things on the counter. She did put the beer in the refrigerator sans the two she had in her hand as she headed out to the living room.

_'…or should I say the space where the living room should be'_

She'd been with him the day he signed the lease. Olivia had been there for the whole process into singlehood…

_'…back into singlehood'_

_Flashback_

The doorbell rang at 2 am. She had known it was nobody but Elliot. He and Kathy had appeared to be getting along; at least he hadn't mentioned any fighting or incidences. So the late night visit had been a surprise, that hadn't happened in a long time. He simply stated that the marriage was over.

'_You'll go to bed, sleep well, and in the morning you will talk to Kathy and everything will be alright'_

She remembered thinking it and saying it that night; that was their pattern. He was Elliot, he did the right thing by family and for a Catholic going home, for the sake of the family, was the thing to be done and she was Kathy, too unhappy to live the way they were living and too scared to live on her own. He'd turned to look at her and she really saw him for the first time…

'…_for the first time ever maybe'_

He had a look on his face, one she'd only seen once before when Gitano held a knife to her throat. He looked defeated. It let her know that this time was different. Elliot Stabler was not an optimist by any means, he was however stubborn and a marine. He could do anything, there wasn't a thing that was impossible for him to accomplish. Elliot Stabler simply refused to fail and even when he did; it was never a true failure or his fault. Defeat wasn't a word she'd even ever heard him say. But there he was in the middle of her apartment, looking defeated, shoulders bowed, and two seconds from crying.

End of Flashback

_'I'd always imagined elation when the day came, if it ever came, that Elliot Stabler was single. I would be giddy with hope and possibility. Hell I was when I knew it was different this time.'_

Then the weight of his defeat set in on her as if it was her defeat. In a way it was in that moment she hadn't been his friend, his best friend. She'd promptly sobered up, tucked him into her guest room, and assured him that she was there for anything he needed.

_'And I have been. Suppressing my own feelings through arguments with Kathy; meetings with lawyers; late night discussions over what to do; three weeks of a man living with me something I don't do; apartment hunting; finding this place; the depression of him moving out; and …THE ANGER THAT HE HADN'T MADE A MOVE YET.'_

Her slow scowl changed to a smirk…

_ 'Until now, when she would make the move for him…she would make the move in a still empty apartment?'_

Focusing back on the room before her, it was almost as empty as the day he signed the lease.

The furniture had been ordered and most was arriving tomorrow, sometime before 12. One of the few furnishings the apartment did have was a TV, his first "free man purchase". It was large and quite manly she was assured; there was a card table, clearly used for meals, a chair, a stereo on crates, and nothing else. The only other pieces of furniture were a second card table, a bed and a wardrobe from a surplus store.

_'There are no pictures of his kids or trophies from his high school glory days. There is nothing from the marines or… where are the pictures of them? How long has he been here?'_

"El, eh, how long have you lived here?" Her eyes frowned; Elliot could almost see the mental calculations.

Blue eyes stared at brown, Elliot paused bring the long neck to his lips, shrugging he replied "Two, two and half months, maybe".

Olivia swallowed the mouthful of beer she'd been holding, waiting on his answer.

"Okay, then where are the pictures?"

"I haven't been back to the house since the night I left. Kathy didn't let me leave with any pictures or things. I was waiting for the lawyers to hash that out. The divorce papers are signed, we just need to agree on custody and schedule for the pick up of what we agreed was mine. There is a box of stuff, I did manage to get into the car that night, in my bedroom" Elliot shuffled on two feet, uncomfortable with the look on Olivia's face.

_ 'There is no evidence of the man he is in this apartment. My place is a collection of where I've been, where I am, and even where I hope to be. Kathy left him with no sense of himself without her. Must be how she feels, if so why would she leave someone else with that feeling? It's lonely'_

Olivia knew that feeling, no sense of self. She had, for so many years, been simply the product of an unspeakable violation and her mother's burden; the cause of her alcoholism. She was the reason that her mother's life hadn't turned out as it should and her mother had let her know it at least once a day. Olivia didn't have the right to turn around and be a person, an individual. Her mother had suffocated her with that feeling and even though freedom from each other could have given both of them the hope of a not so lonely life, her mother preferred to keep them tied to each other and lonely.

Time finally released them and she spent her college career trying to figure out exactly who she was, coming to the conclusion that she was the product of an unspeakable violation and her mother's burden; however she had the ability to keep some one else from being like her; either she or her mother.

It wasn't until she started at the 1-6 and began fulfilling her purpose that she found who she was as a person.

_'Elliot was quintessential in the discovery of Olivia Benson. And now after all these years and everything he has done, all he means to… uh, uh lot of different people he has no documentation of that man or his life'_

She teared up, turning her head away toward the hall. "El, how about you set up dinner and I go get the box from the back. We will go through the box, see what we got, and what we need to pick up tomorrow when we go out for the rest of the supplies?"

Elliot could sense her sullen mood shift, he worried about what she would think when she saw what was in the box. He didn't worry, Olivia would take it in stride, even making it better than the situation dictated.

"That sounds like a good plan."

The box turned out to be boxes. She opened each one, looking for anything that looked like photos or memorabilia.

_'Where are those photos? Please don't let me find anything…disturbing'_

Still pulling through boxes, Olivia took in the master bedroom. Though it lacked furniture or personality, it was still masculine and smelled distinctly like Elliot. She breathed in deeply, her eyes rolling back in her head in pleasure.

_'God, I love that smell.'_

She had several of his shirts to prove it. Olivia gave them back once they had lost their smell only to replace them with new ones.

_'While I'm here, I should get some new shirts'_

She was about to rise and head for the wardrobe, when she heard raised voices.

_'What the hell…'_

Elliot had just gotten the meal warmed and placed on the card table in the living room. He shook his head; this was not a way to impress Olivia. He fleetingly wished that he had a table with a table cloth and candles. Candles, he did have a battery powered lantern somewhere. There was a knock at the door.

Elliot breathed out looking through the peep hole.

"Crap. Kathy" He couldn't pretend that he wasn't home. He'd talked to her earlier about letting Eli come to the party with Maureen; he said he would be in for the evening if she decided to be rational. He sighed again opening the door.

"Well good evening Kathy, welcome to my home"

He tried to smile, but the look on her face meant nothing good was going to come of this visit. Even though Kathy was struggling with a large box, she still managed to brush by him into the apartment.

Without ceremony, Kathy stood in the middle of the space and dumped the contents of the box on the floor.

Opening her bag she pulled out a set of letters and another piece of paper. The paper pricked his mind, but letters worried him.

Holding them aloft, Kathy waved them with righteous indignation. Elliot had no choice but to watch them.

"Can't take your eyes off of them can you? You know exactly what they are; you'd have to keep them all of these years."

He looked briefly down the hall. Could Olivia hear this? "Uh, Kathy that is not what you think it is, I…"

"Oh let me tell you what I thought they were, I thought they were from Gary. You know Gary who used to play football with you in high school. An old high school friend keeping in touch all those years; it was sweet. It proved that relationships forged in high school could last."

Kathy started to pace, kicking through the pile of his things on the floor.

"This morning when we argued, I got off the phone and started to think 'rationally'"

She drew out rationally; spinning around at the end of her set path, pinning him with a look.

"If the kids come over and don't see any pictures, especially Eli, they'll think badly of their father or me for not giving you any pictures. So after collect some photos and personal effects, I decided to be the nice one and send some of the things of yours that were stored because we didn't have space. I thought that you would like to have them, God knows I don't want them."

She paused, remembering the good will she felt as she climbed up into the attic, only to be crushed by the truth.

Her voice rose "So I come across this bundle of letters. Thumbing through I pick one of the oldest dated letters; looking for references of when we were young, memories when we were supposedly in love"

The "supposedly" caught his attention. Elliot muttered "Oh carp, the Becky letters"

The letters; Gary's parents address was on the return; however they were from his sister. Amazingly Becky and Gary were twins. He'd been seeing her and Kathy at the same time. Elliot had been 18 years old, a graduating senior and not interested in a 'relationship'. Truth was he was casual with about four girls, he dated two; Kathy and Becky. Becky was a soccer player while Kathy was a cheerleader. Becky had four brothers and Kathy had a sister. Becky loved sports and Kathy did not. Becky was one of the boys, whom you wouldn't mind kissing. When Kathy got pregnant he ended it with…no Becky had ended it, she'd understood about dating two girls at the same time, but she wouldn't compete with a pregnant woman. She had a couple of guys she liked to 'hang' with herself; although she wasn't having sex with anyone including Elliot. She had offered friendship and non-judgment which he desperately needed. Becky had written him during basic training; some letters had a sexual connotation to them as a joke. The guys in his unit had gotten wind of the girl that wasn't his wife. So Becky started to write elicit letters for the guys. Becky was like his diary. He told her every errant feeling he ever had, without fear of retribution or condemnation. During basic training Becky had gotten married. They traded war stories from marriage and gave each other helpful advice. They'd both had a rough spot in their marriages about the same time, right before Kathy had gotten pregnant with the twins. Becky's answer to the problems was to get a divorce; Elliot chose to stick it out. When her divorce was complete, Becky had reached out to Elliot, to re-start a romantic relationship. The twins had just been born and Elliot had made the decision to grow up; to be married and not in a marriage. He'd written Becky a Dear Jane letter, explaining that he loved his wife and family and that the letters while not an actual infidelity, they were too intimate to be innocent. He should be talking like that to Kathy whether she wanted to or not. That letter may have stopped the current tirade; however that letter would be in Becky's possession. She hadn't responded which told him once again that Becky understood.

"Elliot!" Kathy brought him out of his reverie. There is no way Olivia didn't hear that.

"What, are you day-dreaming about Becky? Yes we got married because we had to, but the only thing that made it alright was that it was inevitable. Sooner or later we would be married; it was just happening sooner than later. Shit, Elliot you said that very thing to me when you proposed, when explaining it to my mother and father. We were in love; you loved me and now we had a child you would love. It's what we used to explain it to Maureen when she did the math for herself. When Dickie found out after that astronaut friend of yours went to jail, we said the same thing to him and Lizzie. And it was all a lie, from the very beginning. All those years of stinking diapers; crying children, children you wanted not me; home alone with said babies while friends went to and held parties; alone while you went to College, the Academy, hell poker night to make your unit a tighter unit, and I actually worried ever time the phone rang that you were shot dead some where. I could have gone to college, joined a sorority, and at the very least had friends and a career. No I sacrificed my youth, my dreams, and all that my life could have been for your concept of love and it was all a lie."

Kathy finally paused, huffing as she finished spitting out the last sentence. With a flourish she pulled one last thing out of her bag before stowing the letters under her other arm. She held out the paper flicking the lighter open and allowing the flame to set the paper on fire.

"There goes our license, much like our marriage, up in flames."

Kathy waited, waited for Elliot's reaction.

As for Elliot, he stood stunned, _'…children you wanted, not me…'_ it rang through his head. Just as he prepared to answer her; a voice rang out.

"That's not what happened"

From her position, a mid-rise position, Olivia turned stretching for the door. Pushing it open she sat in the doorway listening as Kathy ranted.

_'El had a girlfriend, Becky, during his marriage? No, that can't be right.'_

Olivia dragged herself further into the hallway, now she could catch glimpses of Kathy when she was at the top of her circuit. She could see that she was waiving something, what looked like letters.

_'Love letters, Elliot, Elliot Stabler wrote love letters? Well that was like him eating sushi. Something about this wasn't right…Did I just hear her say that she never wanted the children?'_

The faces of the Stabler children flashed through her mind. Those kids were fantastic, if she could order a child from take out, she wouldn't be able to choose which one she wanted most.

_'I would order them all; I wouldn't be able to choose. Those letters are not love letters. Elliot Stabler wouldn't cheat on his wife, not even in writing. Now he would tell someone things he should be telling his wife. He's done that with me.'_

She hadn't heard a peep from Elliot.

_'He is going to sit there and take it. He is guilt ridden. He'll argue me down even when I have proven him wrong. But let him feel guilty and he'll take the wrap for something he hadn't even done as if he is taking his punishment. Why didn't he defend himself? Well if he won't, I will.'_

Picking up the box that was closest to her, she stood and made her way down the hallway. Kathy had stopped pacing and was now staring at Elliot. She'd meant to let her present be known first before speaking. Both of them were solely focused on each other and not noticing what was going on around them. She spoke before she was aware she was speaking.

"That's not what happened"

Two sets of eyes swung around to her. She startled them. Elliot's face cleared from confusion and it softened, Olivia my savior. Kathy on the other hand, grimaced rolling her eyes.

"Well, that's just perfect. She is coming from the bedroom Elliot." Turning back towards Olivia, "I should warn you he isn't all he appears to be, don't believe the hype. You're not unique apparently he strings several women along at the same time. You need to ask him if he is still 'talking' to Dani Beck or writing letters to her." Elliot and Olivia blinked snapping that gossamer connection that always materialized between the two of them during times of drama.

Elliot spoke up "Kathy, Olivia is here to help me decorate the apartment and set up for the party. The box should have been a clue. Stop trying to bring her into the mess that is our divorce. She had nothing to do with our marriage and she has nothing to do with our divorce."

He stepped towards her, kicking the junk that littered the floor. He had forgotten that stuff was there. Elliot caught sight of his baseball cards.

"Kathy, some of these cards will be worth a lot of money and will be Dickie's some day."

Kathy scoffed as she watched Elliot scoop up the cards. "You are right Elliot. There is another reason to hate you, because now I owe Olivia an apology."

Olivia tried to interrupt her "No, no apology necessary, not to me if you want to apologize …"

"Olivia, I accused you of trying to steal my husband. I had to have a husband in order to have you steal him. You didn't go after him; he was looking for a replacement for Becky. He is very persuasive. He convinced me to give up my life, to become part of his harem. You had his job, making him look good to his bosses. Covering ass at work and at home, me keeping his house and his heirs, and Becky, what exactly was Becky's function. Oh she must have bolstered your delusions of grandeur; reminding you of the God you were in high school. Damn, whatever settlement I do get I should split with the two of you. I really wouldn't have been able to stomach him as long as I did without you; which would have meant less of a payoff."

And then Kathy lost her mind. She reached out for Olivia, pulling her forward. Kathy whispered in her ear "I really am sorry".

_'What the hell, is she…she is hugging me. Okay this night gets weirder and weirder. Perhaps this is karma. Trying to find out if Elliot screams during sex is a little odd. The question seems to create a vortex of strangeness where ever it was presented'_

Olivia's eyes widen; Elliot reacted in alarm. Olivia raised her hand to stop him. When Kathy went to release her, Olivia grasped her forearms. She looked into Kathy's eyes; she now noticed the fine sheen of tears over her grey eyes.

"Kathy you know very well that Elliot loved you, he will always love you if for nothing more than bearing him children. I don't know what is in those letters, but I am sure it is not some torrid love affair. Elliot needs to see and touch his loved ones at the end of the day and at the end of his day he was home with you and the kids. If he did anything, he wrote to this Becky, to be a better husband and father to you. Should he have talked to you, yes but then again if he had talked to you than he wouldn't be the hero with all the answer."

Olivia smiled a little at that, even Elliot had to smirk at that one. Olivia's soft tones and lack of response from Elliot seemed to deflate Kathy's resolve. Relaxing she dropped the letters on top of the pile of Elliot's things. Stepping over the mess she'd made, Kathy headed for the door.

She paused before opening the door "The kids will be here tomorrow with Eli, I wouldn't stop that, he is looking forward to going to his first house warming party. Please do not mention any of this to them, they believe in their family. Elliot from now on, speak to my attorney and Olivia good luck, he is a piece of work." She couldn't resist slamming the door as she left.

Olivia and Elliot simply stared at each other for awhile. Elliot could see the wheels turning in Olivia's head.

_'What the hell was in those letters anyway? It really didn't matter. What matters is removing that look from his eyes; that look of defeat.'_

It broke her heart. Elliot watched; he expected her to bend down and pick up the pile of letters at her feet. He was not expecting her to step over them and head straight for him. He bowed his head to hide his guilt. However, Olivia wasn't having any of it.

"Elliot look at me" She waited until his blue eyes met her eyes. "El, I know that's not what happened." She didn't get the chance to say anything else; Elliot lifted her up holding her close. She ran one hand through her hair the other ran soothing circles on his back. Elliot finally relaxed nestling into her neck and shoulder. Olivia felt the tears wetting her t-shirt and his lips move against her skin. He wasn't kissing her, he was speaking. She could barely make out the muffled words.

"She never tried to know me"

**A/N: I'm still not sure if this is right, but it is what came out. Let me know what you think, constructively. Up next, I think will be the party.**


	5. Author's Note, What!

**A/N: **I feel so very guilty. I know I haven't updated in a while and then when I do it is an author's note; (which personally drives me crazy) however it is necessary. I have gotten PMs requesting I continue and I just need to reassure everyone that I am working on this story. First I got writer's block and to unblock I took a look at the story as a whole. In re-reading it, last year, it seemed to drift from my original intention. So I decided I would rewrite it and publish it when it was complete so I could make sure the whims of the day didn't get included in a chapter and change the tone of the story. Of course life got in the way and now this time of year from about September until just before Christmas I get requests for paintings and drawings etc. I think I am finished for now and by Sunday I should be able to focus on finishing my rewrite. When I do update the story will be complete.

Thank you for reading, your favorites/follows, reviews and messages. I am still lurking out there in the Fan Fiction Universe

_** Much Love ~ Emerson Grace**_


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